Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Home Wrecker vs Friends

As a physical fitness instructor I never had to sell anything to anyone. I believed in my work which made it very natural to advertise my business. I never felt the need to sell products. I never did. I was able to suggest things without having to feel that I was pushing merchandise on my clients.

 Now as an author with a published book on the market the circumstances are different. The most crucial part of my job is to sell my story Home Wrecker. Being a “shameless self-promoter” is what I have referred to as my new job title. Not that it is a completely shameless job. I can’t say I have become all that comfortable with this new job description! I am not very enterprising and yet this book thing has become a real business endeavor for me.
It has been a really difficult process full of disappointments. I thought because I made the decision to take on this very personal project that all of my friends would want to support me and back me up. Well that has not been the case. I don’t want to sound petty but these feelings have been stirring within me since I found a publisher.
Early on I asked one of my closest friends if she would mind reading the manuscript for me as a way to be a fresh pair of eyes. She was unemployed at the time and spent many hours a day at the gym without too many responsibilities. Let’s just say she had the time. To my surprise she seemed put out by my request but to my even greater surprise, even after my book was published, she never got around to reading it. I am not sure what that was about? She read other people’s books and even promoted them on her Facebook page but for some reason there was little interest in mine. I thought she would be anxious to read it!
This wasn't just a casual friendship as we were friends for over twenty years. This is a girl that called me her best friend and yet she couldn’t give my story the time of day.
I am sorry to say that relationship has recently ended. I couldn’t come to grips with her lack of support and after a while I couldn’t get past those bad feelings I was having towards her. I guess I just took it for granted that I would at least start out with the reinforcement of my dearest friends.
I assumed this because, if things were reversed, I would want to praise and back up my friends for any accomplishment that they may have achieved. Anything that would be important to my friends would also be important to me.
To all of you reading this, has this been your experience with any of your projects or business endeavors? Have you been disappointed with your support system or have you been pleasantly pleased?
On a recommendation from my dear friend Roni I have just started reading a new book by Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) titled “Committed: A Love Story." I couldn't help feeling a little bit emotional in the beginning where she describes the most important twenty-seven women in her life. It brought tears to my eyes but it also made me feel a bit slighted. It was written with such genuine appreciation. As I was reading her words of adornment towards these people, I couldn’t help feeling negative feelings rise up inside of me.
I love the people in my life, the people I call my friends but how does one lower their expectations and not let it affect their relationships? How do you accept that not everyone is going to be happy or even interested in your work?

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