Thursday, November 15, 2012

This boy is not a Home Wrecker

My boyfriends grandson has kept us occupied for a good portion of the weekend. We have been adsorbed in every one of his activities and adventures! He is a good kid so it makes it all worthwhile.

After a better part of a year of knowing this youngster I am starting to perceive myself as a grandmother figure. Even though I don’t own the official title. Just the same I feel very much a part of this nine-year-old's life. I can feel the bond forming by just the little things that he does when we are together. I have started to notice the trust that he has in me by the way he has to be touching me or how he now waits for me to tuck him into bed.
I never saw myself as a grandma or even a motherly type for that matter. When I married my husband, early on we decided we were not going to have children. Truth be told, if I really had wanted a baby I believe he would have complied and vice versa. We were just not that fuzzy on having a family and sharing that much of ourselves with someone other than each other. Call it selfish but knowing what I know now that was the best decision we could have made considering we are no longer together.
The thing is, I don’t know if I would have walked away from my marriage had we been parents. Could I have been a Home Wrecker if there were children involved? I doubt it but I can't say for sure.I just feel lucky that we were not like a many other couples who have to work to stay together solely for the kids. How sad that sounds but is very common.
Making the decision to not have kids does not in anyway mean that I am not maternal. On the contrary, I think I am more maternal than most. If I had a child I believe I would be anxious every second of the day. Maybe that is normal but I think I would be an extreme worrywart. As a parent, how do you not worry? How do you learn to step back and let your children live their lives? I can’t imagine what that would be like. I would fret over every bruise they incurred and then I would blame myself.
Many people I meet ask me why I have never had children after they see the way I seem to bond with them. I too contemplate that question even though the decision was a very deliberate one. I love kids but at a distance. I love knowing that they are not my responsibility and at the end of the visit I can walk away free from all responsibility. Not many people have that luxury.

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