Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Reclusive Home Wrecker

I spent the best part of a week in Lake Tahoe with my outgoing boyfriend, my chatty cousin and his gregarious girlfriend. All three of them are definitely what you would call “sociable.” I on the other hand have learned to be more introverted.

I have gotten used to not conversing too much during social situations. You see, my husband was very much a recluse. He preferred to be left alone if at all possible. While traveling I can’t remember him ever talking to any one other than myself except when he had to conduct business like ordering a meal or paying for a rental car. He just had no interest in corresponding with strangers where I had always been very approachable and friendly. My parents were both extroverts so I was used to bantering with people that I didn’t know. After a while his ways kind of rubbed off on me.
Have you been in a relationship so long that your personality actually changed? How do you change back? Is it even possible? I hope so because I don’t want to be so restricted.
Now after all these years I think I have forgotten what it is like to carry on a good conversation one after another. It can feel like work where at one time it came very natural to me. Years ago I might have been described as a social butterfly but now I think I have become a bit uncomfortable around people. Being out and about feels almost foreign to me.
First of all, I am not used to traveling with other couples. This is all new territory for me. During my entire marriage I can’t remember traveling with other people other than a couple of easy over night getaways. To actually be around another couple for more than a few hours at one stretch was very new to me. I really had to step out of myself as it took all my energy to keep my enthusiasm up.
I hope I will be able re-learn to be more personable. I find those to be positive traits. I think being outgoing shows that you are comfortable in your own skin. I want to be more approachable and likable. Now that I am not with my husband there is no reason to hold back. His anti-social personality was a Home Wrecker.

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